I am sure many of you are wondering why I haven't posted anything. After all, my sweet Ella Grace has been with her Savior face to face for 3 years today, For the past two years since she passed away I have written about her:
the day after she passed away
her first birthday in Heaven
her second birthday in Heaven
But this year I can't find the words.
I spent the past 3 days (including today) at a conference with 6000 other people being taught by minds who have spent their lives glorifying God by studying and teaching His word. The name of the conference this year was 'Coming Home' and was a eschatological look at the word of God. Of course in three days there is only so much one could teach and be taught, but the teachings were extensive and full of Biblical truths that saturated my heart with a hope and a longing for what is to come.
ULTIMATELY that is what I feel today. 3 years have passed since I saw her precious face light up as I tickled her tummy. 3 years have passed since I held her sweet hand in mine. 3 years have passed since I laid her tiny body on top of mine to stop her from crying. 3 years have passed since I held her lifeless body. But I know she hasn't counted them. And I know she isn't looking down on me wishing she could be here with me.
3 long years in earthly time. 3 years of healing, being hurt again, healing again, being hurt again, and healing. 3 years of being reminded daily how tiring it is to live in a broken world - to watch loved ones come and go; some with full lives (97 year olds) and some with short lives (17 months old) - to feel cheated, abandoned, unloveable - to feel you could fall in love again, only for it to come to an end 1 day later.
The days go by so slow EG, but the years have gone by so fast. I am three years closer to eternity then when we first met. And my longing to be with you is still there, but ten times as much as I look forward to seeing you, I long to be in Glory. The type of glory none of us has seen here. The type of glory we can only dream about and you are experiencing,
Tears stream down my cheeks, not for the sake of crying but because this Truth - it is stunning. I have a hope against all other hopes that I shall reign with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. That my soul will be so completely satisfied in His being glorified. And that no longer will there be tears, pain, suffering, mourning, death or loss, only Life and the steadfast love of the Lord.
The steadfast love of the Lord is better than life, a husband, children, an education, a family, a little girl named Ella Grace, traveling, adventure, and creation. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you, when my daughter passes away in my lap, when my best friend walks away from our relationship, when somebody falls in love with me and I walk away from them. When my family is gone and all that is left is your steadfast love, my lips will praise you.
Keep praisin Him baby girl. I miss you, but I am coming home soon and very soon and I look forward to meeting the Jesus you have been worshiping for a 1000 years face to face.